When You Lose The One You Love

When You Lose The One You Love

Losing the one you love is one of the hardest, excruciating pains anyone in life can experience. After spending time sharing life and beautiful memories together. Then, in just a matter of time, They're gone. As for me, as a Christian man, and Christian minister, my temperment, is not to be a flashy guy or an extreme extrovert. So you can say, a pretty much shy person. You know, just the quiet type. And as far as relationship with the opposite sex, in the world, you could say, I was never a ladies man. You know, you go through life trying to find the person of your dreams. The person God has for you. You long to find a soul mate and female companion in the Lord, a Christian of course. Then at last, you do find that person. Then, you get married. And have a pretty good wedding ceremony. You pretty much are on a glorious honeymoon for many months to come. So things are going pretty good. Things are Ok, Because you know God is with you. You both are blessed and happy. Except for those arguments. If you, couples know what i mean... But, you're both in the battle together. You travel, you rear your kids, you minister to couples and individuals together. You attend different events. You talk and pray together. You laugh together. People get accustomed to seeing both of you together. You call each other multiple times, to stay connected and just for meaningful communication within marriage. You just sit down after prayer in the morning, and pour her a cup of coffee everyday. Then, just sit and just talk for 45 min. to an hour, daily. Then, all in a sudden,"#!'BAM!.'#!?^#". Then, its like or it becomes a living nightmare. And in that hour, your words, sound something like this, (Because it was what I was saying), "This can't be happening to me!? Why Her? Of all people? God, you know, and I know, There Are Worst Women Than Her! Why her!? Man, My son, what about my son? Have mercy on my son! God, I don't want Elias to lose his Mom!? God! Take me instead! Why her? Take me, instead!? Heal her, and let me take that sickness!" You know, It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, which I might not have as much as I did as when I was a little hoodlum, in Orange County, Ca. At that time though, I put everything aside for like 3 months. My ministerial duties, other than preaching and checking up on things. To be honest with you, at that time I cared for the people. But I kinda didn't care about the business of the church. Let me explain, (Remember, I'm only human.). Anyway, here I am losing the One I Loved. She's on our bed, getting more frail by the minute, She can't do alot of things by herself. Including nature calls. And, how can a person be so calloused, and pretty much an insensitive spouse and "Go off into the ministry", and say, "Oh, I was out discipling the guys!?" A spouse, either guy or girl that can do that, when the one you love is passing, is a... (OK, alright, I won't say more. I'll leave it at that.) In other words, you'll never know until you go through it. And I hope you never do, Its that heavy. But, that last month was the most painful, the most intense. But the year prior, when she went through all the chemo treatments, dr. visits, etc. Wow! See, I was married to the one I loved, although it was not easy, it was still great. Because, we loved. Because we had each other, along with our only boy, Elias. Vera, I could say, was a regional Christian leader, regardless if she had a title or not. She was a faithful woman of God, and a heart to heart, back to back partner. She was a most precious mother. She loved and adored our son. Then, after 15 years, she's gone. And boy . . ., talk about heartbreak, talk about doubt, talk about rock your world, talk about misinterpretation before God. Yes, and even, talk about bitterness. (And, she warned me, even in her last day, Roy, don't get bitter at God.) And even through all this, God, in His infinite wisdom, walked closely with me. Even though at times I reproached His touch, and even slapped His Hand, more than once. Questioned His plan and His will for me. Yet, my Lord, was still there for me. Maybe some of you are saying, OK, but can you tell us, What did you learn through all of this?

Well, let me give you 12 things I learned, When You Lose The One You Love:

1. That when one passes on, something is birthed.

2. That you' ll never experience healing in your soul, when you listen to rough and tumble people who make comments like, "Come,On", get over it now, She's gone."

Look, in life if you always listen to critics, or immature people who judge you, you'll never get nothing done for the Lord. Always remember this, "If you have a fight with a skunk, You will never win!" If you can, read the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. Its pretty good.

3. That we are alone, and God is the only One that truly cares and understands. I really like an older Christian song by Russ Taff, called I Cry. Its comforted my heart more than once. Here's the lyrics:

When peace cannot be found
And sleep won't visit me tonight
A restless mind that I can't tame
I walk the floor, I call your name
Finally silence then the tears begin to fall

Chorus:
I cry, and you're the One who hears me calling
I fall so easily but You're there to catch me
Say the words that heal me
I'm safe when I'm with You
You touch my eyes, I can see

Oh, the comfort that You bring
When nothing else can reach inside
Sympathetic friends are all around
Their soothing words fall to the ground
But in the silence I feel you here with me


4. That real friends are a constant presence via, phone, email and or prayer. Many Christian pastors were there for me. I could mention many. But I'll share of one in particular. Pastor Ed Morales of Victory Outreach San Jose. Ed, called me at least once a week for a whole year. 80% of the calls were made on Sunday morning to inform me he was praying for me. And that to have a good service at church. He doesn't even know the encouragment and the difference those calls made. I see him afar off as a mentor and father figure in the Lord. The bottom line, he was there, as were many others.

5. That if I didn't keep moving in Christ, many detrimental issues would clutter my heart. And, Oh, is it so easy to accumulate clutter. One thing I hate with a passion is paperwork. I mean junk mail especially. We must not allow our hearts to become cluttered. Psa. 51 says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God."

6. That there will always be an empty chair in sight. An empty chair because it's been replaced by the loved one for the heavenly grandstands!

7. That people are watching you, to see if you'll apply God's Word in time of crisis, and be faithful, and keep your eyes on God. To see if you're gonna practice what you preach. You know, you'll be surprised of the amount of people who find out, and really love you. I got mail from even the prison system. A friend I forgot about, who was doing 500 years to life wrote to encourage me! May God bless his heart for that. People are watching. May we give them hope.

8. That when you finally accept it, and continue to be faithful in ministry, God will make you a better person than you were before.

9. That it sure is hard getting over it, but, you will. Life goes on. You must know the difference between mourning and laziness. To my chagrin, I admit, I had done the latter for a season. It's like, though you're busy in ministry, you kinda go into a depression. Reason? Things have changed. You come home, and she's not there. So you just throw your hands up in the air and say, "Forget about it!" Oh, and by the way, its alright to cry. Thank God for verses such as Isa 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you." The key is focus on the LORD.

10. That I still have the call of God upon my life. And that I must enjoy my role of where I'm at.

11. That it does make a difference when church members take care of their leaders. Many, at that time took very good care of Vera. They had a schedule, a daily schedule to watch her. And were on a constant vigil, in case she needed anything. They stood with her day in and day out. They clothed her, fed her, sang to her, prayed with her, talked to her, and simply loved her for 14 months. The reason our women's ministry is doing OK, is not because of me. Of course, its the Lord. To Him be all the glory! But God used Vera's influence. And its that leadership influence, that is like a voice in their ears to this day. And, its not just the women. The men, also played a big part in my and Elias' time of crisis. They were there. May God bless VOA and its leadership forever. I will never forget it.

12. That there comes a time, when it is a change of seasons. What I mean is, for me its not winter anymore. Its spring time! And if you remember, spring time is when kings go off to war. In other words, we got the wind knocked out of us. We were in a storm and didn't know when it would end. We were in a forest and couldn't see the clearing. But then God. Yes, that's right, God stepped in. Just because you couldn't see Him, doesn't mean He was never there! He was always there! And you as a leader. You as a pastor. You as a Christian worker or disciple, cannot go on through life singing, "What becomes of a Broken hearted, whose loved one is now depar-t-e-d." Instead, sing, "It's a new season, its a new day!"


Listen, at times people will never understand what you've gone through. If I can say this. There's a part of me, that kinda has no respect(Though, I could be wrong) for Christians(I mean personally. but I do respect their call.) who've never experienced pain. Because, although, they say, "Brother, I understand." And, I say, "Oh, really, You Do?" Yet, its not until they actually go through it. Only those who have been hurt deeply, can draw from the well of their painful experiences to heal the heart that hurts. That's just my perspective. And maybe, to be fair, there's others, who may never go through what I did, yet their pain is somewhat comparable. So we can never put people to the side. We must still value them. Sometimes Christians must stand with the attitude that says, 'Brother or Sister, I may or may not understand, but I'm still there with you in heart, as a Christian and fellow soldier in Christ. And regardless of how you feel, I'm there to intercede for you because I love you in the Lord.

So today, beloved, You need to know God loves and has a plan for your life. He's with you. If you lost a husband, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter, or maybe someone who raised you, a friend, or loved one. God hears the cry of your heart. And why do we cry? Because we miss them. Because they were in our lives but for a short time. Because we might wish they were back here. Because we know they will not come back, but we will go to them, when God calls us home. And even then. They will not be wives, husbands, dads or moms, sons or daughters. They will be like the angels in heaven Jesus said. So today, you must keep growing in the Lord. Stay close to Him, your leaders, your pastor, and solid Christian friends who Love the Lord. It'll help you go on for the long run, when 'You Lose The One You Love." Know this, you'll also go down this road, eventually, but hopefully not. It is a part of life. Yet, its how you handle it that counts. Many, sad to say, go ballistic, do the wrong things, make the wrong choices, all because their feet were not planted in Christ. You need God. And I share this with you in love, because I've gone through it, and continue on in my walk with my God, and Savior, The Lord Jesus Christ. If I can do it, you can make it. So, come on now, smile. Laugh. Why don't you walk with God side by side, hand in Hand. Then, somehow, I kinda think you'll be alright with the Lord. God loves you and I love you. Keep the Passion for the Mission.

Feel free to post any comments or something that has helped you in your journey. Thanks.